Seductive Carbs Drip the Most Temptation

Specifically the loaded fries at Alamo are irresistible. The only things they drip are sour cream and cheese, which are acceptable for mouth times but their vessel is a fry. For a time I'll try and just sneak the bacon and cheese with moments of sour cream but it feels like scarfing in the jungle while the other lions watch. Seriously. It hits those primal chords and it is not a happy feeling. I'll also peel the toppings from the crust but that also looks weird and the wtf looks are also never fun when you're integrating into a new work environment but that melty cheese and pepperoni is just sitting there while your body has just used up all of its calories and doesn't understand why it can't have the immediate ones before it.
So I said fuck it a few times to fries and sometimes shakes. We have the best fucking shakes. And there's this kid inside you also. When everyone around the place, including gorgeous women with pretty faces and asses, are slurping into shakes and still having sparkling eyes, why am I denying my body these delicious mouthfucks of bliss? So sometimes, after already breaking for the fries, I'll chug a few slurps of shake. What could it truly cause for so little sugar and carbs if my body would burn right through them?

Ha. Mwahaha. Yeah. Demon laughs and Fuckslayer moments occurred. Overall it made an interesting experiment, unintentional but so is the best science. I changed mentally. Three days of no depression, finally, and then suddenly it just came. I snapped at people, smiling was harder and the tingles came up as well as the scratchy feeling inside and towards others. A friend asked what was wrong before I realized something was, provoked and annoyed the depression could take me so quickly so I denied it. But there it was and ...after a few hours I could think on it. I could chalk it up to the job but overall that aspect is an independent factor while the carbs are the dependent. I can enjoy the job for the entire time if carbs are denied entirely but moments after the carbs I'm more easily provoked and things are scratchy to the point of hazing and situations just...unsatisfying. Even people are ...annoying isn't right...but right at the same time, just not my general connotation of it. Killable. In ways it's also fun because the snap makes the job easier in terms of not caring and hours go by more quickly when they aren't calm. More excitable.

So a theory arose from all of this. An odd theory that needs testing but still one nonetheless. What if...depression and suicide isn't a mythical surreal thing but actually quantifiable towards the amount of wrong things we put in our body? What if the body, when it is functioning from the wrong energy source, tries to get you to kill it? What if there is higher thinking Darwinism?
From there...why?
Does the body want to evolve? Does it say to kill it do promote a greater species or does it just not want live when a better potential body could be formed? Is it a less dynamic view when you look at it from an amount perspective? If you only have a twinkie your body just groans and says to not do it again but if you continue the cycle the body gets...angry/unhappy with the continuation and overtime develops a need to kick you out of it/kick itself out of existence?

I don't know really but it is an interesting question to look into. Other animals don't face suicidal thoughts, that we know of, and why would they? The primal need is to continue the species so humans went wrong somewhere and I feel a major difference between other animals and humans is the inability to know what we should be eating.

Many on keto report anxiety and depression lowering as well as other mental issues. There is research in the field but I believe it more from self analysis you can find on Reddit.com/r/keto

8 Months of Keto

So I forgot about this blog...most of the time, sometimes it was laziness. Overall I've been staying on the keto train and it has been delicious to the point carbs just don't taste very good anymore. Eating food with buns or sandwiches with bread is satisfying for about one bite before I just want to taste the delicious cheeses and meats and veggies just beneath that surface.

The hardest part has actually been getting over the cult mentality that comes with it. Seeing people eat bread and knowing that life feels better without it is very difficult, especially when you love those people, but slowly I'm calming down with some chill pills and bacon and mental exercises that involve remembering they have free will. The annoyance tends to come from people wanting to start, getting tips from you and then bitching for a while about how they miss bread and then giving up. Don't give me all that hope! *end of rant*

Mostly I've been eating food from alldayidreamaboutfood and ibreatheimhungry, or just nomming on random nuts, meats and cheeses in their cold forms or heat them up in a skillet with butter and a shot of bacon grease on the side.

There's quite a few options for sweets with erythitrol and stevia, but once consumed they take over my thoughts for the day until I can eat them again. Ultimate cravings so I'm trying to avoid them more and more, but they call to me all the time still and I still have plenty of hours on my call card/a bag of ten dollar sweetener in the cabinet. I have been halving the amount required in the recipe though and things tasted a bit off at first but overall you can taste deeper flavors once used to it and don't want to eat the whole recipe as badly. Also, eating fatty food before having the sweets helps. Starting with sweets on an empty stomach makes it even harder to stop and then the idea of cooking and waiting to eat other foods becomes groan worthy.

Om Nom Cheats Noms

I cheated yesterday...a lot. I just entered this thought process of “I can never have carbs again” and felt dismal looking at my avocado with spinach and the possibility of a bunless avocado club from Smashburger that I know isn’t as good without the bun. My first cheat was at work when there were leftover fries and I just meant to pop in a tiny crisp runt of the fry litter….I did and it was amazing...but then I wanted more. After that I had Brennan bring me a Smashburger with the moist delicious bun and even fries. It was the most delicious and succulent burger I could remember ever having, and the texture of the potato fries made my mouth water, I truly missed it.

Suddenly my body felt weak and I had a massive blood rush...and yet it still moved and the weakness passed quickly...meaning I could have more carbs. After work one of our friends came over and we wound up drinking….all health barriers down we stopped at Wal Mart to just get bacon….then I saw the cookies. Not just any cookies, but the soft, themed for whatever holiday is going on, cookies that Wal-Mart makes, greeted me with a “you know you want me” pose. I caved and deliberately, not denying to myself that I didn't know what I was doing, stared at them, imagining eating them, for about twenty seconds before I realized people were staring and public drunkeness is not a good thing. So I put them at my side and thirty seconds after being paid for they were in my mouth. I told myself to stop, that even though I had started it was going to still get worse the more carbs I ate, not just add up and go away  no matter how many I ate….this worked for maybe an hour before I got a chicken bacon ranch melt from Subway...that was delicious too and I ate it in three minutes, felt a bit sick and went to bed.

This morning, slightly mad at myself but also understanding, I worked out a lot more than usual and ran two miles in 16 minutes, did 30 minutes of custom 3 on the stair pedal machine and never allowed myself to slow down, thinking of burning through the carbs the whole time. I’m going to aim for the keto fast (basically not eating for the day) and see if I can back to ketosis sooner rather than later, but overall I still have loads of energy today and only feel a bit of mental fog. Maybe it wasn't the end of the world.

Going Keto

Had eggs and BPC this morning, and didn’t get hungry again until five where I ate leftover beet soup (not as good today, never making it with broth again, I also tried chicken thigh over breast and breast reheats far better, thigh is tough). I just had almonds at around eight because I started to feel weak and don’t want that shit anymore, but overall the day was excellent and my energy was steady.

Keto Flu Ex Goddess

It was really hard to get out of the bed this morning I was so weak to the point I called into work to say I might not make it for the evening shift. I rose up about thirty minutes later and had bulletproof coffee, still felt sick and just caved to making eggs . Low and behold I felt immediately  better after eating the eggs, to the point I called back into work to say I could make it and to cancel the rampage.

After that I made the beet soup again, but with broth this time since I grabbed the wrong container… =/  . Turns out, the taste is much weaker without the stock and not nearly as delicious, like a stout strong beer vs Michelob Ultra.

Whiskey sounds like a goddess taking her clothes off right now, but it’s 11pm and the liquor is shut away, so my thoughts go to beer that I could buy until midnight….time for bed or Big Bang Theory

Delicious Darkness

I started trying intermittent fasting today. You drink BPC (coffee with a tablespoon each of coconut oil, heavy cream, and butter) whipped into froth and then calming into savory darkness. The taste is delicious and it gave this water like full feeling. Around 1 PM I started to feel nauseous but powered through it and just drank more water. The moment I ate again at around 7 (you try to eat twelve hours apart), I immediately felt better( as you would assume).  Oh! I discovered a new amazing snack, get a slice of cheese and put tons of hummus on an edge of it, and roll it up. It’s nom noms if you like hummus since the cheese is mostly for texture and you can really only taste the hummus. Oh, and pepperoni and pork rinds are also really good for snacks.

Caffeine Losing it's Jitter

For the first time in my life I had coffee, a grande one even, without feeling jittery and unhappy thirty minutes later. You might wonder why I ever drink coffee if it causes this, well it tastes good and gives me a burst of concentration and energy, and after the jitters die off I feel a bit more liberated and excited by life; it’s just the in between that I want to melt away.

Apparently fats have a delicious melting point for caffeine that just makes it all come together as one. It might be time to get a coffee maker. I’ve had a tea pot for so long that I didn’t want to make it jealous with a coffee maker nearby. Those Keurig devices seem perfect, but they’re expensive enough I might just go with a Wal Mart style caffeine addiction or buy Starbucks every day like a normal person.

Allergies were my bane today, they even kept me exhausted for hours. In happier news I made kale chips and it was super easy. You simply get a pan (a baking one not peter) and either coat it with foil or leave it bare, I used foil. Then you get a bowl of oil out and dip kale into it (in chip size pieces) then lay it on the sheet, sprinkle some salt on it and throw it in the oven for ten minutes at 350 degrees. Let the chips cool for at least ten minutes before eating them. The trick here is that kale chips are pretty green still when they’re done, once they start to brown they’re overcooked, so watch them around the seven minutes mark. Other than that I had an apple pork sausage and one and a half eggs with a handful of spinach.