Om Nom Cheats Noms

I cheated yesterday...a lot. I just entered this thought process of “I can never have carbs again” and felt dismal looking at my avocado with spinach and the possibility of a bunless avocado club from Smashburger that I know isn’t as good without the bun. My first cheat was at work when there were leftover fries and I just meant to pop in a tiny crisp runt of the fry litter….I did and it was amazing...but then I wanted more. After that I had Brennan bring me a Smashburger with the moist delicious bun and even fries. It was the most delicious and succulent burger I could remember ever having, and the texture of the potato fries made my mouth water, I truly missed it.

Suddenly my body felt weak and I had a massive blood rush...and yet it still moved and the weakness passed quickly...meaning I could have more carbs. After work one of our friends came over and we wound up drinking….all health barriers down we stopped at Wal Mart to just get bacon….then I saw the cookies. Not just any cookies, but the soft, themed for whatever holiday is going on, cookies that Wal-Mart makes, greeted me with a “you know you want me” pose. I caved and deliberately, not denying to myself that I didn't know what I was doing, stared at them, imagining eating them, for about twenty seconds before I realized people were staring and public drunkeness is not a good thing. So I put them at my side and thirty seconds after being paid for they were in my mouth. I told myself to stop, that even though I had started it was going to still get worse the more carbs I ate, not just add up and go away  no matter how many I ate….this worked for maybe an hour before I got a chicken bacon ranch melt from Subway...that was delicious too and I ate it in three minutes, felt a bit sick and went to bed.

This morning, slightly mad at myself but also understanding, I worked out a lot more than usual and ran two miles in 16 minutes, did 30 minutes of custom 3 on the stair pedal machine and never allowed myself to slow down, thinking of burning through the carbs the whole time. I’m going to aim for the keto fast (basically not eating for the day) and see if I can back to ketosis sooner rather than later, but overall I still have loads of energy today and only feel a bit of mental fog. Maybe it wasn't the end of the world.

Going Keto

Had eggs and BPC this morning, and didn’t get hungry again until five where I ate leftover beet soup (not as good today, never making it with broth again, I also tried chicken thigh over breast and breast reheats far better, thigh is tough). I just had almonds at around eight because I started to feel weak and don’t want that shit anymore, but overall the day was excellent and my energy was steady.

Keto Flu Ex Goddess

It was really hard to get out of the bed this morning I was so weak to the point I called into work to say I might not make it for the evening shift. I rose up about thirty minutes later and had bulletproof coffee, still felt sick and just caved to making eggs . Low and behold I felt immediately  better after eating the eggs, to the point I called back into work to say I could make it and to cancel the rampage.

After that I made the beet soup again, but with broth this time since I grabbed the wrong container… =/  . Turns out, the taste is much weaker without the stock and not nearly as delicious, like a stout strong beer vs Michelob Ultra.

Whiskey sounds like a goddess taking her clothes off right now, but it’s 11pm and the liquor is shut away, so my thoughts go to beer that I could buy until midnight….time for bed or Big Bang Theory

Delicious Darkness

I started trying intermittent fasting today. You drink BPC (coffee with a tablespoon each of coconut oil, heavy cream, and butter) whipped into froth and then calming into savory darkness. The taste is delicious and it gave this water like full feeling. Around 1 PM I started to feel nauseous but powered through it and just drank more water. The moment I ate again at around 7 (you try to eat twelve hours apart), I immediately felt better( as you would assume).  Oh! I discovered a new amazing snack, get a slice of cheese and put tons of hummus on an edge of it, and roll it up. It’s nom noms if you like hummus since the cheese is mostly for texture and you can really only taste the hummus. Oh, and pepperoni and pork rinds are also really good for snacks.

Caffeine Losing it's Jitter

For the first time in my life I had coffee, a grande one even, without feeling jittery and unhappy thirty minutes later. You might wonder why I ever drink coffee if it causes this, well it tastes good and gives me a burst of concentration and energy, and after the jitters die off I feel a bit more liberated and excited by life; it’s just the in between that I want to melt away.

Apparently fats have a delicious melting point for caffeine that just makes it all come together as one. It might be time to get a coffee maker. I’ve had a tea pot for so long that I didn’t want to make it jealous with a coffee maker nearby. Those Keurig devices seem perfect, but they’re expensive enough I might just go with a Wal Mart style caffeine addiction or buy Starbucks every day like a normal person.

Allergies were my bane today, they even kept me exhausted for hours. In happier news I made kale chips and it was super easy. You simply get a pan (a baking one not peter) and either coat it with foil or leave it bare, I used foil. Then you get a bowl of oil out and dip kale into it (in chip size pieces) then lay it on the sheet, sprinkle some salt on it and throw it in the oven for ten minutes at 350 degrees. Let the chips cool for at least ten minutes before eating them. The trick here is that kale chips are pretty green still when they’re done, once they start to brown they’re overcooked, so watch them around the seven minutes mark. Other than that I had an apple pork sausage and one and a half eggs with a handful of spinach.

Keto is Driving me with a Powerful Engine

I could not sleep last night, I was brimming with energy I couldn't control or even come close to calming. I wound up only getting four hours of sleep. Throughout the workday it was hard to stay awake and I got easily bored, unable to tune out. I was a lifeguard for three summers so I had become a pro at just phasing out while still paying acute attention to any danger, as you would have to be on the stand for 30 minutes with no distractions but for the kids/adults in front of you, and yet have to pounce into the pool at any moment.

My mind is now too hyper for such a dormant thing, and insists on thinking all the time, I can’t even tell me to shut up without thinking about why the first person said shut up, did the person talking seem to have an agape jaw and it needed to be shut upwards? Then I think about how I didn't shut up, but wait, are there more thoughts that I need to have before shutting up? What if all of this thinking ends prematurely? It’s an uphill battle, and with my knees it's not endless fun.

So I’ve been having avocados since about a week before starting this diet (sorry to not be putting them in what I’ve been eating, just forgot). It took a while to get used to the taste, but I’ve been told they’re a staple of keto as they are such a good fat to have. After getting used to the texture and taste, which is rather difficult as they’re both so unique, I now love them and just eat them plain. Avocados also give immediate hunger satisfaction and it lasts a very long time.

I'm finding with most vegetables, radishes enlightened me to this, the initial eating is always a bit strange and shocking, but the more you eat them the more you love them. Beets, spinach, onion, pepper and kale are all things I can now eat raw that I used to think were too strong even fried or grilled.

Ruled.me recommends fasting for breakfast and lunch, at around the fourth week of the 30 day plan, and so I’m trying to skip at least breakfast before starting it, just to see if I can handle it. I’ve been having tons of water, as he recommends, and it is surprisingly easy to just skip breakfast and then even have a light lunch. I had previously heard that you should have small meals throughout the day and now keto says to just have one meal and let your body use that fat until the next day. The smalls meals logic had to do with your body needing to get it’s energy throughout the day and it burns off what you eat within three to five hours (might be wrong numbers but I’m just going for the gist) so you need to eat throughout the day or you’ll get cravings/your body will try to use different energy that it shouldn’t. Riding the logic train small meals works if you don’t have fat to burn off and your body mainly has access to carbs but since keto is based on fats (apparently a more lasting energy) you don’t have to eat as constantly. The keto way makes sense, but I like to ride out how things feel before reaching a conclusion on the matter, but I would rather only deal with eating once a day than five times a day.

The thing is, as Ruled.me mentions, you still need to eat your full macros (fats, proteins and carbs specified for your body) during that one sitting, so you don't enter starvation mode.

Although I haven’t been on this diet for the weight loss or body looks I am noticing more...curviness to my stomach and just more overall definition to my entire body. For a while it was hard to pick up the children, at work, and now I can hold one in each arm and still walk around without an issue. The strength could just be from work but I’m thinking it’s a combination of the sustained energy and work and the constant picking up of fat babies.

Today I ate the delicious edamame quinoa salad (from Sprouts) leftover beet soup, turkey and cheese and then gourmet Sprouts meatballs for lunch.

The exciting part was the energy I now have throughout the day and I don't truly experience hunger anymore, maybe for a moment but after the first bite it's gone.

The more exciting thing is finding my mental self again. I've been on fast food and carbs for so long (about a year) that I had forgotten what it felt like to be this mentally there. Thoughts come quicker and make more sense, even creativity is flowing back more and more.

I had thought I needed therapy to cure this lull and self dislike but the self confidence is coming back too, without me actually looking any different.