Specifically the loaded fries at Alamo are irresistible. The only things they drip are sour cream and cheese, which are acceptable for mouth times but their vessel is a fry. For a time I'll try and just sneak the bacon and cheese with moments of sour cream but it feels like scarfing in the jungle while the other lions watch. Seriously. It hits those primal chords and it is not a happy feeling. I'll also peel the toppings from the crust but that also looks weird and the wtf looks are also never fun when you're integrating into a new work environment but that melty cheese and pepperoni is just sitting there while your body has just used up all of its calories and doesn't understand why it can't have the immediate ones before it.
So I said fuck it a few times to fries and sometimes shakes. We have the best fucking shakes. And there's this kid inside you also. When everyone around the place, including gorgeous women with pretty faces and asses, are slurping into shakes and still having sparkling eyes, why am I denying my body these delicious mouthfucks of bliss? So sometimes, after already breaking for the fries, I'll chug a few slurps of shake. What could it truly cause for so little sugar and carbs if my body would burn right through them?
Ha. Mwahaha. Yeah. Demon laughs and Fuckslayer moments occurred. Overall it made an interesting experiment, unintentional but so is the best science. I changed mentally. Three days of no depression, finally, and then suddenly it just came. I snapped at people, smiling was harder and the tingles came up as well as the scratchy feeling inside and towards others. A friend asked what was wrong before I realized something was, provoked and annoyed the depression could take me so quickly so I denied it. But there it was and ...after a few hours I could think on it. I could chalk it up to the job but overall that aspect is an independent factor while the carbs are the dependent. I can enjoy the job for the entire time if carbs are denied entirely but moments after the carbs I'm more easily provoked and things are scratchy to the point of hazing and situations just...unsatisfying. Even people are ...annoying isn't right...but right at the same time, just not my general connotation of it. Killable. In ways it's also fun because the snap makes the job easier in terms of not caring and hours go by more quickly when they aren't calm. More excitable.
So a theory arose from all of this. An odd theory that needs testing but still one nonetheless. What if...depression and suicide isn't a mythical surreal thing but actually quantifiable towards the amount of wrong things we put in our body? What if the body, when it is functioning from the wrong energy source, tries to get you to kill it? What if there is higher thinking Darwinism?
From there...why?
Does the body want to evolve? Does it say to kill it do promote a greater species or does it just not want live when a better potential body could be formed? Is it a less dynamic view when you look at it from an amount perspective? If you only have a twinkie your body just groans and says to not do it again but if you continue the cycle the body gets...angry/unhappy with the continuation and overtime develops a need to kick you out of it/kick itself out of existence?
I don't know really but it is an interesting question to look into. Other animals don't face suicidal thoughts, that we know of, and why would they? The primal need is to continue the species so humans went wrong somewhere and I feel a major difference between other animals and humans is the inability to know what we should be eating.
Many on keto report anxiety and depression lowering as well as other mental issues. There is research in the field but I believe it more from self analysis you can find on Reddit.com/r/keto
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